If there’s one genre of reading I’ve learned to adore, it’s self-help books. This is a genre of books that can seriously help you get your life in order and also give you a new perspective on major life issues that you might be facing. Self-help books have saved my life and are a reason I love to write.
However, I’ll be the first one to say that there are self-development books that are little more than nice-sounding rhetoric and that there is definitely such a thing as self-help addiction. It’s a rabbit hole that starts innocuous but can quickly become a nightmare of its own.
Striving to develop yourself and work on self-improvement can be positive if you are balancing it with acceptance. It becomes toxic when it becomes your addiction.
Could You Be Addicted?
Just because we place importance on self-improvement doesn’t necessarily mean that we are addicted. When looking at elements of addiction, consider questions such as:
- Does the behavior take priority over the other things in my life that are important?
- Does doing these things make me feel better or more in control?
- Do I lose track of time when doing them?
- Do I tend to do things like this longer than I originally planned?
- Do I get uncomfortable or anxious when I can’t do them or think about not doing them?
- Has my behavior around this disrupted my life or relationships?
- Do I keep coming back to these same behaviors no matter how much I try to cut back or stop?
With these questions, we are looking at the general elements of addiction that could be applied to a variety of behaviors. If you can look through these and identify ways in which your efforts of self-improvement might apply, it may be time to reflect and consider taking action.
Steps to Take:
So what should you do if it seems like your quest for self-improvement is taking over your life? Some things that you can do that may help:
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Slow down
Taking time to reflect and examine how self-improvement seems to take over your life can be very helpful. Doing this can allow you to better understand how these otherwise positive behaviors seem to be turning into something that is preventing you from living your best life.
Again, we can focus so much on areas we would like to improve, but we lose sight of things to enjoy and celebrate. It can also prevent us from being present in our lives and our relationships.
Take a look at how much time and money you spend on self-improvement. Does it feel like you are always looking for tips, tricks, and ways to improve yourself?
You may even want to take a moment to reflect on how your behaviors might be impacting others around you. Do your efforts of self-improvement seem to deter people from making conversation with you or do people close to you seem to feel frustrated that you are always giving them suggestions on how they can improve as well?
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Self-Acceptance
In our efforts to continually improve, we can end up sending ourselves the message that we are not enough, that we are lacking, or that we are not valuable and worthy just as we are. As you take time to slow down and look at all that you are trying to improve, it can be helpful to allow yourself to look at ways you are doing life well and give yourself credit for growing and learning.
Accepting ourselves does not mean that we stop growing. It simply means that we can look at the big picture and acknowledge the strengths along with the areas we would like to improve and reassure ourselves that we have value without needing to be perfect.
The more we practice self-acceptance, the more we allow others around us to do the same. As you learn various methods or tips for self-improvement, it can feel easy to become excited and want to share this information with others around you.
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Be Present
The self-improvement industry survives in making us feel that we are falling behind, aren’t enough, or that we need to rush to be better, stronger, more efficient, or more powerful. As we seek to grow, we can easily be pulled away from being fully present in our lives, looking at the people and situations that would benefit from having our energy and time.
By practicing self-acceptance and slowing down the rush to constantly improve, we can enjoy our lives more fully. Stay mindful of your specific goals and steps to get there, giving the process real purpose so that you don’t feel aimless or fruitless in your efforts to live your best life.
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Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude
When we are always looking for ways to improve ourselves and our lives, it can be easy to overlook all that is going well and the things we can appreciate in our lives right now. Intentionally practicing mindfulness and gratitude can help us learn how to focus on what is in front of us and to take inventory of what we can feel grateful for in our lives.
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Value Your Strengths
Self-improvement suggests that we have an area of our lives that needs improving, or that we have a trait or behavior that needs to be improved. Although this may be true, since we are not perfect and always have areas we can improve in, it does not mean that we don’t have any strengths or positive qualities, traits, or behaviors.
If you have focused on self-improvement for quite some time and feel as if it may be taking over your life too much, it may be a good time for you to intentionally identify your strengths. Consider how you can use your existing strengths in creative ways.
Final Words
Self-improvement can generally be a good thing. However, it can be a problem if it begins to dominate your life or leaves you feeling that you’ll never be good enough.
If it feels like the pursuit of self-improvement is taking over your life to the point that it is draining your happiness or causing distress, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you find ways to pursue self-improvement goals in ways that are healthy, realistic, and productive.
